Saturday, December 29, 2007

jet stories from yesterday's past

on my flight home from washington a couple of weeks ago* I sat in front of an interesting dude. Mosiah was a 37 year old self proclaimed punkster dressed in all black with a bright red mohawk that stood about a foot high.

He made quick friends with the stewardess who asked about his music because her son loved what she referred to as punk music. How that came up I don't really know, maybe it was the all black clothing, tats or red hair? Anyway, after going on and on about being famous he shut his trap for a couple minutes.

Then began the conversation with the man sitting next to him. Let it be known that I was by no means intentionally ease dropping. I could not sleep and I was at present unable to do anything else as I was unable to use personal electronic devices. Anyway turns out that the guy was from Washington and was just heading back for some tests. He claimed to be having what is called "deja vu." Or symptoms similar to the experience we call deja vu. Incidently this man, who who we shall refer to as "deja," instantly fell in love with this much older man. The love was pure and simple adoration from one man to another and was not weird in any sort of way.

Although I did consider it odd. What was odd about it? Maybe it was the punks elevated mohawk. Maybe it was the striking colors. I'm sure that it was not natural. Maybe it was the ease with which complete strangers shared the most intimate details of their lives. After having painfully endured what seemed like an eternity of the man on man emo fest - I ran from the plane ahead of the two men.

Upon getting my bags I found myself waiting for my ride. Upon waiting, I made my last of several peculiar observations: I saw and heard "deja" on his cell telling his friend with elation, "I just met the most interesting man....."

*the previous experience occured in September 2007

I don't know about you but I can barely sing forwards....

Thursday, December 13, 2007


havent learned anything in awhile? well maybe you should learn about the federal reserve system. what it is, what it isnt and why its all gonna burn. eventually

watch me:

points to consider

How would you make your marriage work?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.
Ricky, age 10

How can a stranger tell if two people are married?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
Derrick, age 8

What do you think your mom and dad have in common?
Both don’t want any more kids.
Lori, age 8

What do most people do on a date?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
Lynnette, age 8 (isn’t she a treasure?)

On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.
Martin, age 10

What would you do on a first date that was turning sour?
I’d run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
Craig, age 9

When is it okay to kiss someone?
When they’re rich.
Pam, age 7

The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn’t want to mess with that.
Curt, age 7

The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It’s the right thing to do.
Howard, age 8

What is the right age to get married?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
Camille, age 10

No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married.
Freddie, age 6 (very wise for his age)

Is it better to be single or married?
I don’t know which is better, but I’ll tell you one thing. I’m never going to have sex with my wife. I don’t want to be all grossed out.
Theodore, age 8

It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
Anita, age 9 (bless you child)

How do you decide whom to marry?
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
Alan, age 10

No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with.
Kristen, age 10


Hockey goals are 6 feet wide and 4 feet tall. Why not just find some absurdly obese man and fill the net. Actually this question has already been researched in quite a bit of detail by Todd Gallagher of the Wall Street Journal. He concludes:

after much research, including making a fat suit that resembled the build of the fattest man on earth (a waist of 122 inches), he goes on to say

.............if there was a team that was more concerned with winning than with their reputation, and if they could find a genetic marvel, a man pushing 2,000 pounds who's fatter than anyone the world has ever seen, who could survive making it onto the ice and withstand the pain of frozen hockey pucks being fired off his exposed body, and if that team could then win a legal battle against the NHL, and if the players didn't go on strike over the matter or beat the rotund goalie to death on the ice, that historically obese man could be a cost-efficient and effective goaltender. But what are the chances of that wondrous hog existing, and events unfolding in such a way? Pretty slim.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007


hear of any good jobs lately? let me know.