Monday, November 27, 2006

technical lovers love this:

i ran into (not literally) this technical blurb about fred durst, who was criticized for his use of agreeance in 2003. i found this as i was about to use the word in my critique of rhetorical theory. im really beginning to love the technical aspects of life; said article:

Oxford Editor: Fred Durst's Use Of 'Agreeance' Was Right
Dictionary Says Word Is Obsolete

POSTED: 9:26 am PST March 7, 2003

Whether you agree or not, the North American editor of the Oxford English Dictionary says Limp Bizkit singer Fred Durst's use of the word "agreeance" was correct at the Grammys last month.

Fred DurstDurst was widely mocked and criticized by major media outlets for his apparent lack of grammatical skills when he said onstage, "I just hope we are in agreeance that this war should go away as soon as possible."

Jesse Sheidlower told the New York Observer that "agreeance" is a word and Durst used it correctly. Sheidlower told the Observer that the dictionary defnes "agreeance" as "the act of agreeing; agreement."

The editor did, however, say, that the word is not in heavy circulation. According to the Observer, the earliest Oxford English Dictionary example of the word is circa 1540, and that the latest example of its usage dates back to 1714.

The dictionary now says the word is obsolete.

"This is not a current word," Sheidlower told the paper. And it is "not a common word."

Now that Sheidlower has shed light on Durst's correct usage of the word, the singer said in the Observer, "I'm glad someone took the time to find out the truth."

The Observer said the word is still widely used in Australia, and that it pops up in legal documents here from time to time. The paper also said former Sen. Bob Kerry, D-Neb., included it in testimony about the IRS in 1997 before the House Ways and Means Committee.

"We are encouraged by the administration's agreeance that the IRS must change," Kerry testified, according to the Observer

crackhead

somehow i found this on craigslist. its pretty funny and true so that makes it even funnier. it has been slightly edited as this guy was obviously pretty upset.


Yes, you. You sick ---- On Wednesday morning I emerged from my girlfriend's building by U.N. Plaza to find that you had sawed the tops off both the sparkplugs on my motorcycle. At the time, I had no idea why anyone would do that. Other than the sparkplugs, the bike was untouched. Some kind of bizarre vandalism? A fraternity prank gone awry? I had no idea. All I knew is that I looked like a huge douchebag riding the Muni to work in a padded motorcycle jacket and helmet. Because the bike was immobilized I got a $35 street sweeping ticket that night. Thursday I had it towed to the shop ($45) where they replaced the sparkplugs and the boots ($50 including labor). They explained to me that "people" - I use the term loosely here - like you break off the tops of spark plugs and use the porcelain tubes to smoke crack. As an engineer and former MacGyver fan, in a way I think this is kind of cool. But then I remember that I just paid $100 for YOUR crackpipes, and I get angry again. Crackhead, it was really good to have my bike back though. I rode home from the shop with a couple of spare sparkplugs and a smile on my face. I figured the next time I parked at my girlfriend's place overnight I would have to buy some crackpipes and tape them to my bike as a peace offering. Overall, I wasn't that upset. Despite having to ride the bus for three days and dropping a hundred bones at the shop, I had gained some fascinating knowledge, a new set of sparkplugs, and a pretty funny anecdote about how ------ up you are, and how our paths once crossed briefly in the night. But you couldn't just let sleeping dogs lie, could you Crackhead. You couldn't just stay in on Friday, watch Letterman through the window of a home electronics store and then call it a night. You couldn't rest on your laurels. Two porcelain sparkplug crackpipes just wasn't enough for you, was it Crackhead? You just had to come back for more. This morning, a scant fifteen hours after I rode it out of the shop, I found my motorcycle violated once again. This time you only took the right one - maybe you were having an off night. At least this time I had a spare sparkplug and the tools to fix it - or so I thought - having ordered a 73-piece toolset from SEARS.com last week. But no, the sparkplug socket in my new toolset was for American sparkplugs. So I had to go down to the neighborhood Ace hardware. They had an 18mm socket that would fit over my sparkplug, but it was for a 1/2" drive ratchet. My toolkit only has 1/4" and 3/8" ratchets. So I had to buy a 1/2" ratchet along with the socket. Even though the clerk took pity on me and gave me the senior citizen discount (I'm 25) it still cost me $22 all told. Now, you might say that I should have just gotten a 3/8"-to-1/2" drive adaptor instead of springing for the whole ratchet. And to that I say "Shut the hell up, Crackhead, I'm not finished. And besides, I was eventually going to buy a 1/2" ratchet anyway so it's probably not worth it to take it back now." OK, now I'm rambling. But the point is, Crackhead, that you have done me wrong. Now, I get that you love crack. That is totally understandable. I've heard it is really fun, at first, and quite addictive. What I don't understand is, YOU ARE A CRACKHEAD. WHY DON'T YOU OWN A CRACKPIPE? I am an engineer. Do you ever see me shaking down bums in the Loin for a calculator and sliderule? No, you don't. Because engineering is the main thing I do, I went and bought myself a calculator. The main thing you do is crack. How do you get by without a crackpipe? The other crackheads must clown on you non-stop. I mean, the -------- saw you used to saw off my sparkplugs is probably worth five or ten bucks. Why not sell or trade it for a crackpipe? You really haven't put much thought into this, have you? Please, Crackhead, please don't tell me you sold your crackpipe to buy crack. Even a stupid crackhead such as yourself couldn't possibly be that stupid. I've decided that taping crackpipes to my motorcycle would be tantamount to appeasement. You have crossed a line, Crackhead - specifically California Street. You have come onto my own street and you have desecrated that which I hold dear. You have stolen from me, and you have caused me to spend the last half hour writing this post instead of engineering ----, and it is concievable, if not likely, that my boss could find out about this and fire me. I am hella pissed at you dude. Here are my options as I see them: 1. Write a note saying that I have coated both of my sparkplugs in rat poison and tape it to my bike at night. You can thank Tim for that one, it was his idea. 2. Don't write a note, but just coat both sparkplugs in rat poison. This is probably closer to a punishment that would fit your despicable crime. I'm sure this is super illegal and ----, but it's not like anyone is going to miss you, Crackhead. Don't fool yourself. 3. Wait in an alley near my bike armed with my new stainless steel mirror-finish Ace Professional brand 1/2" drive socket wrench, my 18mm sparkplug socket, and my searing rage. It's pretty heavy and well balanced. I am not a large man, but I am angry. In conclusion, Crackhead, why don't you just do both of us a favor and buy yourself a crackpipe? It will both enhance your crack smoking experience and save me a lot of time and felony assault charges. Think about it. Sincerely, Matt *** If you are not the Crackhead that took my sparkplugs, please disregard this posting ***

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Questions and Answers

Work

How do you know you've worked hard?
You have to shower, twice.

How do you know you stink?
You have to shower twice and you still stink.

How do you know your cold?
Your hands are so cold and you are in so much pain you have to devote the next several minutes of your life to warming said* hands.

Kind of random

How do you know if a chip is quality?
Drop it on the floor from the waist. If it breaks into many pieces forget about it. Several large pieces define a quality chip.

How do you know you're in love?
You don't and never will, consult a physician for signs and symptoms. Or webmd.com

I added the last question for people who think about things like that. I'm sure Elizabeth would say something clever like you will know because she will tell you you are!

I look forward to the day when my nephews can conjure up such wise statements for all to ponder.

For Rachel


*said or aforesaid(a): being the one previously mentioned or spoken of; according to wordnet.princeton.edu/perl/webwn

In this case said hands would refer to the hands previously mentioned. Its kind of just a joke to use said cause its kind of fun sometimes to use words in new and special ways.

I find it interesting that the said individual that this is directed to would be critical and then declare their ignorance! How ironical.*

*hint: if you don't know what that means look it up. Appear to be intelligent even if you are not. Please refrain from posting such ignorant statements on my blog. just kidding i dont really care, I encourage all to express themselves in ways which they deem most fitting.

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